so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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