girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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