I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize