my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
