Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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