her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.