it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask