You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.