So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.