And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.