So drunk its hurt
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period