Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.