Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
tell me about the fingering
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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