I'm so fucking centered right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
