i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.