You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Terrible idea I love it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL