I hope mine doesn't look like that
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish drunk me came with subtitles