I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found your dick twin last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.