I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms