Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub