So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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