Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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