I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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