my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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