i already hear my dad disowning me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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