People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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