Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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