The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
