After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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