Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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