are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
