my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize