you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My ass is underappreciated
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
