I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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