Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
