I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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