What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
