Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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