I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
