I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
