I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His hands were made for my vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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