dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.