now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.