i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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