This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize