My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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