Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
