no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
