There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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