just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
