I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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