where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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