yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
