I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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