Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I only lived at night.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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