I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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