Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize