On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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