You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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