bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
