Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize