awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was confusing and full of hummus
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
