Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
